My stuff plus her stuff equals... a lot of stuff!
Before moving in with me, my parents had moved to assisted living. So, they had downsized once. I mistakenly thought that meant mom's things would easily fit into my three-bedroom home easily.
Over the last two years, I'd worked hard at simplifying my life and my home, never dreaming my mother would end up living with me. Divorced after 31-years of marriage, many of the boxes of memories remained unopened for the first two years. It took me some time to be in a place emotionally to go through things. But when I finally started, it was energizing. Then I opened up each cupboard, closet, and drawer - choosing to keep only things I truly loved. Slowly, I'd gone through glassware, kitchen things, bedding, knickknacks, furniture, and such. I felt so accomplished when I watched the truck taking away my things. I felt even better when I looked inside and discovered I had space; I mean EXTRA space! That was a whole new thing!
I hadn't tackled every single thing in my house, but a good amount of it. And that felt good! Then my mom moved in. She was moving from assisted living, six months after Daddy passed away.Before they moved together in November, 2017, we'd realized it wouldn't be best to move all of their things to the home. So, I moved boxes of memorabilia, photo albums, framed photos, artwork, and other things sentimental and valuable to my family. So, the space I'd made in my home quickly absorbed those things; the spaces I'd made were filled. And that was before mom even moved in.
When mom moved in, I really didn't worry too much about fitting her things in my house. I thought about the big things; Daddy's recliner, mom's love seat, her bedroom set.
I can get frustrated with all the "stuff" that seems to be everywhere. After all, I'd had my home cleaned out, pretty much. I had space, and now I don't. I'd made progress, felt accomplished but now it felt like I'd gone backwards. I'd just refilled the space with more stuff. It's just one of the practical things that you have to deal with when you move a parent into your home, I suppose.
I needed an attitude adjustment.
I needed a new way of looking at this.
Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. ---Hans Selye
So, after a quick adjustment to my attitude, here's what I'm thinking. What a blessing it is that I had already made space and prepared for my mom to move in with me - before ever dreaming that she would! What was I making space for anyway? The space in cupboards, closets and so forth didn't look like much. It was just emptiness. But when my sweet mother, recently widowed, moved her things into that emptiness, the space became sacred. In reality it was the culmination of a year-plus of me processing through things and creating space that unbeknownst to me was always meant to be - for my mom.
~Karen
